SOCIAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS

 

 

 

 

SOCIAL TIPS FOR REDNECKS
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>         General
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>         1. Never take a beer to an interview.
>         2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
>         3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
>         4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.
>         5. Even if you’re certain that you’re included in the will, it’s rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.
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>         Dining Out
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>         1. When de-canting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper  cup and pour slowly so as not to ‘bruise’ the fruit of the wine.
>         2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.
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>         Entertaining in your home
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>         1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
>         2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his  manners are.
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>         Personal Hygiene
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>         1. While ears need ! to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one’s own truck keys.
>         2. Even if you live alone,deodorant is not a waste of money.
>         3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
>         4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they  tend to distract from a woman’s jewelry, and alter the taste of finger  foods.
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       Dating (outside the family)
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>         1. Always offer to bait your date’s hook, especially on the first  date.
>         2. Be assertive, Let her know you’re interested: “I’ve been wanting to  go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago.”
>         3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will  say 10:00 PM. Others might say “Monday.” If the latter is the answer, it  is the man’s responsibility to get her to school on time.
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>         Theater Etiquette
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>         1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up! immediately  after the movie has ended.
>         2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have  proven that they can’t hear you.
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       Weddings
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>         1. Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
>         2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
>         3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
>         cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
>         4. Though uncomfortable, say ‘yes’ to socks and shoes for this special  occasion.
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       Driving Etiquette
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>         1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is   loaded and the deer is in sight.
>         2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires  does not always have the right of way
>         3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
>         4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite  to ask her to bring back beer too.
>         5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession

 

     
*** Offert gratuitement par Passion Matilda ***

 

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