WHITE SPRINGS DECLARES EMERGENCY – Cancels Council Meeting

Lofton Missing in Flood Waters

The wind blew, the rain was coming down in sheets and Boger Hallow was under more than 12 feet of water making getting to Town Hall a dicey proposition.

Town Mayor Spencer Lofton is missing in the flood waters having been swept away by the water currents from the East End of Mill Street and Suwannee Extension flowing past his house at speeds approaching 30 MPH. The town apologized for adding BROWN SMELLY fecal material to the Suwannee River.

The wind blew oak trees right out of the ground. The fire department was called. Andrew said he’d be here when it quit raining and Steve was busy pumping water out of his drive way and putting it in his neighbor’s yards. As of this writing all major streets were blocked by debris and no firefighters or Public Works personnel were to be found.

The Police Department was busy trying to get the backhoe started to attend to the many cars floating down Mill Street in the raging waters. Officers Doyle and Kenzie both said that they had never seen such devastation in our town.

Thanks goodness the Town Manager cancelled the town meeting tonight on her way out of town. You can never be too careful, Stacy said. I would hope that the four other Council members wouldn’t be swept away in the currents like Spencer was. Tonight at 8:00 PM the town was a mess of biblical proportions,

Rhett was seen building an ark to go collect his young playmates before they too were swept away and therefore not being available for him and the Cousins for the foreseeable future. I said that it was biblical.

The wake for Spencer will be held at the Comedy Club in Lake City on Friday, assuming the creek doesn’t rise. Only people who are sad that he is gone need attend.

ADD ON

WHY CANCEL A MEETING FOR NO REASON AT ALL?

ITS MIDNIGHT NOW AND NOT THE FIRST RAIN DROP OR GUST OF WIND HAS HIT WHITE SPRINGS YET. EITHER THE COUNCIL IS PU$$Y WHIPPED BY THE DRUG ADDIICT STACY OR THEY ARE AFRAID OF MEETING THE PUBLIC. I SUSPECT IT IS SOME OF EACH.

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