The RHATT Watch
Today is Tuesday, June 13th, Day 55 of the Rhatt Watch. Everyone knows the Red-face Ratt and his druggie Lapdog have been in hiding for the last month and a half; venturing out only when it’s been unavoidable.
Have you ever wondered what the Ratt and the Lapdog have been doing with their time while they have been in hiding. New information has begun to leak out and while it is shocking, it probably won’t surprise anyone who really thinks about what lies ahead for the Ratt and Lapdog. According to reliable sources, the Ratt and the Lapdog have been taking singing lessons. Yes, it’s true. In preparation for their recital to the Feds, the Ratt and Lapdog are learning how to sing.
Early reports indicate the Ratt is singing louder and longer than his Lapdog, who is still humming. Who and what do you think the Ratt’s song will be about when he gets to audition in Jacksonville. Will it be about pedophilia, nepiophilia or ephebophilia and any of the victims known to the Ratt? Will it be about drugs; where to acquire them; how to arrange home delivery; and the host of dealers the Ratt may know? Will it be about bribes, what constitutes a bribe; how to make bribes or how to receive bribes? Even more interesting will he be singing about anyone he may know who has given or received a bribe? What about fraud? The options are so numerous. Just think about all of the potential topics and all the verses the Ratt might wish to test his lungs on. Would it be low and melodic or loud and rocking? Alternatively, the Ratt could rap. Does anyone know if he mixed it with folk music and practiced at the Florida Folk Festival? And what about the Lapdog? Since she cries so much, will her singing be a real tearjerker?
My gosh! The Feds have no idea what a treat they are in for. The Red-face Ratt singing verse after verse, song after song, about crime after crime. Will they be impresses? Will they give him a singing contract with or without a signing bonus? And how long will the contract be for? Did I hear thirty-five years? Wow! And what about the Lapdog? Will she receive a signing bonus also? I wonder if the Ratt and the Lapdog will undertake a duet. I can see the Ratt now; visions of a new career dancing through his head. Too late, the Feds will be going for an exclusive engagement.
Pity the State’s Attorney! The Federal Prosecutor will enjoy the Ratt’s songs and languish in the glory of resolving so many crimes while the State’s Attorney sits by and wonders how it might have been, had he only pursued, investigated and prosecuted these crimes. And The Hamilton County Sheriff and the White Springs’ Police Chief, not only will they be wondering why they have been left out, but also apparently Governor Scott may be asking why they sat idly by and whether they were part of a cover-up. The Ratt’s singing. The Lapdog’s singing. What more could a “Cousin” want? Well given the fallout after the Ratt and Lapdog are finished singing, the “Cousins” might want to be the opening act rather than the closing act. If you’re singing about pedophilia, nepiophilia, ephebophilia, drugs, bribes, fraud or other corrupt activities, the best singing engagements with the Feds will be for the opening acts. They get the good seats. They get the preferential treatment. So what’s it gonna be, “Cousin”? Are you going to open or close? If I were you, I’d open. If you don’t want to spend the rest of your prime years asking yourself why you hesitated, get on your phone right now and arrange your audition. Call the FBI office in Jacksonville (904) 248-7000. Sing them your song, verse after verse, after verse.
Encourage the Chief to do her job. It’s Day 49 and Red-face Ratt hasn’t resigned yet. The Rhatt Watch continues!