THE OLDER THE ?
An observation the Golden Years seems to be very interesting indeed. Just going to a grocery store can be a research of a lifetime. One wonders if those carrying a permanent frown on their face may break if they would actually have to crack a smile. Perhaps they are hurting and should take a cart and not walk. It makes one also wonder if this attitude is one which is carried on from one’s younger years. What is interesting is that among single women there appears to be more inner peace and friendliness than among males.
I know the economy is bad, but really do you need to take it out on others. You won’t return a smile or a “Hello”. You bang your cart into another’s feeling it is their fault for being there. You complain to the service people, blaming them for pricing and the slightest problem. And you park your carts in the isle, not allowing anyone to pass while they patiently wait for you. You do not worry about your health and do not get exercise so that you are limited to motorized carts, blaming everyone who gets in your way.
Look at Harry Reid. He has a solution to this male dilemma. He blames the economy for a man’s abusive tendencies. That is scary and it makes one wonder if perhaps he, himself, should be placed to pasture with that type of attitude. Frankly we need some younger people in Congress with fresh ideas. After all the financial burdens made by the older congress people are affecting our children and grandchildren. With the number of career politicians in government, where else can you grow into a dinosaur with archaic ideas and bring them into the future? Where are the bright and changing ideas? Or does one feel it is correct to stick to certain old convictions without researching new ideas? Listen to your constituents. They are attempting to tell you what is important to them.
We need some young blood into government who are not so fond of categorizing all of their constituents as one. After all, these career politicians have remained in office far too long. Maybe if there was a term mandate, those in government would do their utmost to do a good job so that they may be offered positions outside of the government when their term is ended.
In what other industry can one work into their 80’s or 90’s? For most of us, when you achieve the 50’s, it is far more difficult to secure a job. This is in part because there are fewer jobs which may be offered. This is the case even if you have all the credentials and are younger than the average individual in health and spirit. Perhaps it is not just the lack of business credentials on the part of Congress that has placed us upside down but rather old ideas. One cannot get ahead if you do not seek broader horizons. This does not mean bowing to other governments, returning their gifts to us or allowing freedoms to specific religions which affect the entire nation adversely.
We are Americans. We are one of the strongest and idealistic nations ever. Yet each day our freedom is taken away from us. Our heads of government agree a masque should be built near the site of 9-11 while taking away the rights of Christians and Jews to include God’s name. Yet we have founded our principals in the statements “In God we trust! One Nation under God, indivisible with Liberty and Justice for All” Decisions to hurt the majority to assist a minority is not part of our liberties.
As to age, the work force would rather hire those who are younger. The excuse given is that a younger person may be trained easier to fall within the corporate posture. But is that true for all? Although age discrimination is prohibited, how many of you have passed your psychological tests with flying colors, have years of diverse experience and the credentials to prove it and have been denied a position after you have had to include an application with your age on it?
Maybe that is the source of the latest group of grumpy people. After all, if you are not hired to be a Wal-Mart greeter, you may not have any opportunity to find a job. That is unless you become a consultant or are able to begin a small home business. But of course, this economy may not allow it unless your services are required or innovative in some creative vocation. You may have had difficulties previously and were able to weed through. Now is the time to consider all of the possibilities rather than blaming others.
Now you may say, “But you are categorizing older people”. To this I answer perhaps but essentially my reasoning is purely one of observation by one who chronologically is older. I find that in most cases, NOT ALL, because of prior experiences, many of those over the age of 60 do not seem to wish to go outside of the box. After all, instead of growing with new music trends or even trying new electronics or computerization, those of the dinosaur age just bicker about the youth of today. What is it? Are you so against trying new things? Do you feel you no longer have a capacity to learn? Some of us still feel we must learn something new every day to facilitate mental growth. It provides for a youthful mind and as a result, it will keep you young physically. Each day brings changes and some of us realize not all change is bad.
In attending a recent meeting with those of my age group, I sat next to a gentleman who seemed to be upset about something. He seemed rigid and unapproachable. I still tried conversing with him to no avail, so I chose to remove my attentions from him permanently. What was interesting was that at the conclusion of the meeting, he came running up to me and said “Aren’t you a bit young to be in this group?” Now one could say, I could construe this to be the ultimate compliment. But really, I felt sorry for this man who probably remained so worked up feeling that someone younger had invaded his space that he could not enjoy simple conversation or the meeting without being comfortable. At least I knew that he obviously had a problem based upon an opinion which was unfounded.
If one watches “Mad Men”, you will note a true depiction of those who were in business in that era. I’ll bet many of you who business people during the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s can reminisce about the good old days while watching this series. After all, most of the business of the day was performed in this manner. Alcohol was plentiful and if one was at Woodstock, free love and pot became part of everyday life. Yet today, companies are looking for ways to be more efficient, utilizing computerization for net meetings to save money. Expenditures for entertainment have lessened throughout the years and there is a lessening of “I will scratch your back if you scratch mine”. Today business is based upon efficiency and performance…not who takes you to the best club. Today that would be considered outrageous spending.
Many women had slept their way up the ladder in that era, looking to find a rich husband. This is unlike those true businesswomen who refused and wished their success to be based upon their abilities and work talents. It wasn’t easy to be the “O” among “X’s”. If you fit this latter group in the 60’s era, you were either considered a “dike” or finally accepted because of your proficient value to a company without compromising your conviction. Soon headway was made based upon one’s ability to meld into the male groups without notice of gender but because of work performance. Soon this form of female was not required to bring coffee to the board room nor was she required to entertain based upon her gender and looks. Those waitressing abilities were left to those who were still trying to sleep their way to the top.
Yet those who were in that era still looked at women not as equals but as creatures to do their bidding. Men felt that since they worked and their wives were at home, that they could do whatever they wished. And since they were construed to be powerful with obvious money, most women trying to go to the top would succumb to their ultimate charms (power).
The majority of females of that era required much from a relationship themselves. Expectations became especially high if their husband did something to upset them. But generally they required large diamonds, jewelry, an exquisite home, an expensive car and plenty of money to spend. After all they had to compete with their neighbors. They expected to remain at home raising children and only attended college to meet a professional man who could support them. That was the way of their parents and they had the same expectations of their spouse.
For those who were comfortable to depend on another, more power to you. Perhaps if an illness prevailed or your husband suffered a heart attack because of stress, you could pick up the pieces. Today’s youth work together to build their empire and each not only is dependent upon each other as a unit but on themselves. They make decisions about children together. This actually is less stressful and the relationship begins as one of mutual partnership.
Yet, the male after divorce or inadvertent death of a spouse, seems to be at a loss. They never had to care for themselves previously. Their spouse waited on them hand and foot. What was good for him in a completely different era does not follow suit with those younger than his age today. A female in those same set of circumstances, in order to survive or find a means of support, must find a man immediately. This is because they do not believe in their own abilities to survive. In most cases they are not discriminating. After all, they require someone to depend on and possibly to blame if everything does not go as planned.
Let’s just look at some scenarios. Surrounded by an older aged group in my home town, it was amazing to watch one of the females who had lost her husband about a year prior. She was happy to advise she was engaged to marry a wonderful man, looking at me as though I was a plague. I have no problem attending events on my own. Yet when another male was showing me photographs of one of his many homes, she immediately left her fiancé in a corner so that she could ogle over the photographs. Her demeanor was syrupy as she invited herself to visit the home in Mexico. Obviously, I thought to myself, this could not be love no matter how much she professed. She apparently was still seeking someone who was more prominent. From her actions, her fiancé obviously was a crutch who may be able to assist her in the meantime.
I was told that I was too particular and a workaholic. So I decided to keep an open mind and go out with a few of my friends to a single’s club. There I met a very good looking man around my age group who I found was an excellent dancer and a conversationalist. Deciding I would take the chance, I invited him to dinner. No sooner had he arrived and I felt as though I had invited an octopus over. He did not even know me that well but apparently had decided to take the fast track. Once I was able to restrain him, his true colors started to show. He complained continually about his former relationship. This was possibly to get some form of sympathy. Obviously the poor woman could not do anything right in his eyes. Men, this is a turnoff. Either you have not gotten over a prior relationship or you feel you were the only perfect person of the two. Yet no one is perfect and love is in the eyes of the beholder.
And as I brought the food out, he removed his plate from the charger and placed it on my wood dining room table. He told me that when he was married they didn’t eat off of chargers or placemats and he was not going to start. Yes, he asked for a paper napkin and refused to use cloth napkins. It’s a wonder he survived at a fine restaurant…or perhaps he had not been to one. Again, I was right. But it did not end. I found his vehicle parked across the block to catch a glimpse of me. This was because after telling him it was over, I did not feel I needed to respond to his continual calls. Now, since he considered himself a looker, perhaps he felt some sort of anger that a female would not just be marveled at who he was, what he owned and who he had been as a businessman.
Alas a female acquaintance I once met was equally determined to be set up with those riches she felt comfortable with. As a young woman, she always got her man. Age did not stop her. Considering that she still had what it takes, she found a younger truck driver. Soon she talked him into letting her move in. She not only started dictating what he may or may not do, but completely redecorated his home to her liking. And when he became tired of the situation and ended up dating another woman on the side, she had workmates sending her flowers in an attempt to make him jealous after chastising him in public. She treated him like a child and not as an equal. There was no real communication. In fact I was told she refused to move out of his home even though he had asked her to.
Just notice those unhappy people in the grocery store and it is not only based on finances. Some older people don’t even have an ounce of pride. They show anger toward their spouse for the slightest fault. Obviously they are taking their relationship for granted. Yet the spouse is fearful of moving on or cannot financially. Perhaps they have physical ailments and this is the first opportunity the spouse had the advantage to treat their partner as they had previously been treated. Yet they complain to all of their friends but will not communicate to search for the ultimate problem.
I believe a sound friendship is important to any relationship to get one through the tough spots. Physical attraction is important but I am told by the various commercials that as one gets older, certain things may be more difficult to attain. It is then that friendship sustains a relationship. It may become important especially to those who are older to enjoy another’s company based upon personality and conversation. And if you are older and searching for that special someone, but are having a bit of difficulty, perhaps the few tips below may assist you for that first encounter. Of course, your instincts usually lead to success.
- You may not wish to complain about a prior relationship. A new relationship cannot blossom if you share only the faults of that individual you have left. If the person you are with relishes in your complaint and feels he or she is more nearly perfect, you then may learn a lot about them good, bad, or ugly. Yet, it is always good to admit that it takes two to make or break a relationship. Compliments about your prior relationship can also exalt a relationship. Each has a part in making something work. To complain sends out the signal that you are still in love with the one you have left and your basis for a new relationship is to get you by in the interim.
- It may not be wise to assume one is still in love with a former husband or friend, if they have no complaints about a prior relationship. Constant questioning, hoping to find misery in another person’s prior relationship is not cool. Not everyone is consumed about why something did not work. They just go on. And if they are still friends with an “x”, isn’t that great! It means they may not be vindictive if things do not work out between the two of you.
- The scariest thing most women face is if jealousies are shown of someone’s past relationships. Everyone comes with some baggage. After all, if they were still in love with the other person, they would not be seeing you. If the person you are seeking relishes in those jealousies, you may have to take a second look. From experience, those relationships based upon jealousy factors may become abusive.
- It may not be wise to tell an individual that you cannot understand why they are not perfectly streamlined when they don’t eat that much to begin with. That individual may then look at your faults and realize that you no longer are perfect as well. You may feel it is nice that you have noticed they have provided you with that man-sized portion which they know may add to your ultimate weight gain.
- Acting needy whereby you must continually call or knock on someone’s door, hoping they will notice you does work. Yet it may have the adverse affect. They may have liked you as a person but not as a space invader. Everyone needs a little time-out even if you are in a relationship. Take it slowly and you may find you have similar interests or that the other party is involved in activities which require lone time such as writing or the arts. This does not mean they will not have time for you later.
- Forget what performances you have required from your former wife. You may no longer assume a woman is responsible for cooking, cleaning and dishwashing. It may be a former businesswoman or politician that you are wooing now. i.e. “I am going to answer my e-mails and you can wash the dishes.” Most will assist you without you demanding they do something. If they like you, they will inquire what they may do to assist you and if you require their assistance, you may ask politely.
- It may not be good to brag about your male prowess or stating that every woman you fornicate will fall in love with you. This may not even work for the consensual casual affair. Women, don’t believe that if you give yourself to someone immediately that they are yours forever.
- It may not be wise to become an octopus and to try to French kiss an individual upon first meeting. There may be exceptions when it appears it is love at first sight. Yet, make certain the endorphins are identical before assuming you are God’s gift. In today’s world, there is a fear that someone may have a STD and no one worried about that factor in the 60’s and 70’s. Today you hear STD epidemics in epic proportions among those who are retired. If you are not familiar with what to look for, ask your doctor.
- It may not be great to compete. Professing that you were the best in your industry, that you owned the best house and the best sports car to a female who probably performed an identical job to yours but who did not receive identical pay, may set off sparks. Even though you may be bragging now, your conversation is usually followed with excuses of why you were let go from your profession or that a divorce caused you to lose everything. Yet the little lady does not comment but may be seething. It is what you do and have today which counts. Not everyone is looking for riches and give the little lady her due. Understand women had a more difficult time in achieving success during that era. There are some who are looking for love and friendship. Honesty of a situation can go a long way. Communications about your past without arrogance or making it a competition is a good thing.
- You may feel it is best to list your assets in your first conversation. You may even tell a possible love interest that if they do not take your offer, they will never forget you or what they have given up. Now that statement “You will never forget me” does work, but it only affirms that they will remember you have basically threatened them to date you. They will also inquire why you found it so difficult to find someone with all your assets.
- In today’s economy, many choose to entertain in their home. It may not be wise, however, to take advantage of the woman or man who is a fantastic cook. Don’t tell them that the reason you do not cook for them or take them out is because their food is better than that of a restaurant. They need a break also. And are you requiring they foot the bill? Work in the kitchen with them. It may be fun. In this economy the little things count but they cannot be one-sided with only one person showing consideration.
- Don’t take advantage of someone’s kindness and that means financial help as well. If you have to ask for something, make certain you pay the individual back or at least offer. Many have worked hard throughout their lives to find someone who has professed their love but who loves to spend someone’s money more.
- It is unbelievable that you would arrive at someone’s home and say “I notice you have my favorite scotch. I will take mine on the rocks.” Or, you assist yourself, by filling a water bottle with an alcoholic beverage for the road without asking. You have just imposed upon another’s hospitality. And, you may have to ask yourself if you have a problem.
- It may not be wise ask a female if she is wearing a wig. She may have the ultimate perfect hair and may consider it to be a slam that you believe her hair to be a wig. She may also be wearing a wig because of medical reasons and may be self-conscious of the fact. Anyway with all of the hair implants she could ask the identical question or ask you why you do not consider it if you are bald. How would that feel from your end?
- Be happy with your own achievements and be secure with the person who you are. Acknowledge those around you with a “Hello” or a greeting. It may surprise you that you are able to place a smile on another’s face. No one is out to get you and positive actions get positive results. If something is not right, you alone have the ability to walk away. No one should be able to treat you poorly and perhaps your communicating your feelings may positively change that individual’s treatment of you and others.
Let’s start smiling. We are not dealt cards we cannot handle!
It took me a long time but I found the one who is perfect for me.
Karin for the blog