Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men’s used size 14-16 Work boots
Place them on your front porch, along wth several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA Magazines
Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine
Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim. I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don’t mess with the pit bulls, they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don’t think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
P.S. I locked all four of ’em in the house. Better wait outside