The RHATT Pack Watch
Today is Saturday, January 5th, Day 255 of the Rhatt Pack Watch.
The Ratt’s “Pink Handcuff Gala” appears to have been a stunning success. The Red-face Ratt spared no expense for this event. Why not? He probably used your money for it.
The Gala took place at the Ratt’s “Lodge” and the guest list, by invitation only, was a compendium of the Best of the Best from the “Cousin’s Who’s Who” directory. There were about 200 guests, mostly couples, but sprinkled with a fair number of singles. Conspicuously absent were Mindless, Suck-up and his Lapdog. As mentioned, the Ratt went all in to ensure soon to be Vacationing “Cousins” had an experience they would long remember. From the moment a guest arrived, until the moment that guest left, they were pampered literally beyond belief.
As a guest arrived at the Lodge, a swarm of Valets from Herman’s a prmier Jacksonville firm, surrounded the vehicle, assisted passengers exiting the vehicle, escorted them to the door, while another Valet parked their vehicle. At the door guests were greeted by a Host who checked their invitation, verified their identity and then escorted them to their lavishly decorated table. A brief look around the venue showed the room to be prodigally decorated in the color and theme of the Gala. No sooner than guests were comfortably seated at their table, when a Hostess arrived to take their drink order. While waiting for their drinks, a bevy of Hostesses were darting between tables with a stunning array of finger foods and appetizers. In the background, a fifteen piece mini Orchestra from Atlanta played a medley of popular songs. As more and more guests arrived, many of the “Cousins” circulated from table to table shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries as if eons had passed since their last meeting.
At 7:00 pm, the Ratt took the microphone and welcomed his guests, provided an overview of the evening and ordered the commencement of dinner. The “Cousins” were given a choice of beef, poultry or seafood entrees from the Ratt’s favorite Valdosta food service. In a stunning presentation, the fillet mignon entrees were at least two inches thick, weighed in at a pound and a half and were adorned with mouth watering vegetables. Both the poultry and seafood entrees would have made any connoisseur salivate.
It was impossible for any “Cousin” to leave without being stuffed to the gills. After the main entree, Cousins could be seen woofing down tiramisu deserts with a beer, rather than the wines which were served. As dinner drew to a close, the Ratt took the microphone again to introduce his main entertainment, Stephen Colbart, for the Evening. Colbart, fresh out of New York just for the evening, had the audience in stitches. His monologue referenced Grinch Ratt and the “Watch” pilot and the Ratt portrayal by Steve Buscemi among other Ratt escapades. After Colbart, the Ratt invited his guests to enjoy the open bar and the dance floor. While the music played, the Ratt visited every table, speaking with and fitting each with a small token of his appreciation, a pair of pink handcuffs, for practice. As soon as the Ratt had touched base with each of his guests, he took to the microphone again to hand out a variety of door prizes for a range of guest defined attributes, shortest / longest convictions, most repeats, oddest conviction, etc. and awarded table centerpieces to the shortest lady at each table. As his guests left at the end of the evening, each had an opportunity to pick up a Ratt Supplier Vacation Goody Bag.
If the Ratt’s not in the Big House and you want to try for an invitation to next year’s Pink Handcuff Gala, you’ll need to kneel down and kiss the Ratt’s ring. Otherwise, consider getting involved, learning about Town issues, supporting candidates who care and who are honest and competent and voting for them. Start by cleaning up White Springs. Work with the FBI office in Jacksonville (904) 248-7000.